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- Noah was the only man notified before John Gorman relieved himself in the Atlantic Ocean.
- John Gorman once invited all of the other badasses from TV to duke it out in order to see who was the supreme badass. Only two showed up-- Jack Bauer and MacGyver.
- MacGyver immediately tried to make a bomb out of some Q-Tips and Gatorade, but John Gorman roundhouse-kicked him in the solar plexus. MacGyver promptly threw up his own heart.
- Jack Bauer tried to use his detailed knowledge of torture techniques, but to no avail: John Gorman thrives on pain. John Gorman then ripped off Jack Bauer's arm and beat him to death with it. Game, set, match.
- John Gorman eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.
- The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets John Gorman.
- John Gorman doesn't go on the internet, he has every internet site stored in his memory. He refreshes webpages by blinking.
- Fact: John Gorman doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.
- It is said that looking into John Gorman's eyes will reveal your future. Unfortunately, everybody's future is always the same: death by a roundhouse-kick to the face.
- John Gorman knows everything there is to know - Except for the definition of mercy.
- Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge John Gorman with "obstruction of justice." This is because even John Gorman cannot be in two places at the same time.
- John Gorman never has to wax his skis because they're always slick with blood.
- When you say "no one's perfect", John Gorman takes this as a personal insult.
- John Gorman can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
- 182,000 Americans die from John Gorman-related accidents every year.
- Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but John Gorman beats all 3 at the same time.
- Jesus can walk on water, but John Gorman can walk on Jesus.
- All roads lead to John Gorman. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.
- If you're driving down the road and you think John Gorman just cut you off, you better thank your lucky stars it wasn't the other way around.
- July 4th is Independence day. And the day John Gorman was born. Coincidence? i think not.
- John Gorman never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
- In the medical community, death is referred to as "John Gorman Disease"
- John Gorman was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
- If you work in an office with John Gorman, don't ask him for his three-hole-punch.
- In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, John Gorman". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked inthe face by John Gorman.
- The First rule of John Gorman is: you do not talk about John Gorman.
- John Gorman is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But John Gorman isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.
- When John Gorman plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
- John Gorman can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only John Gorman is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.
- John Gorman drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
- Every time someone uses the word "intense", John Gorman always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
- As an infant, John Gorman's parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
- John Gorman once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
- Most people fear the Reaper. John Gorman considers him "a promising Rookie".
- There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and John Gorman.
- President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. John Gorman carried his the same distance in half the time.
- John Gorman once ate four 30lb bowling balls without chewing.
- What many people dont know is John Gorman is the founder of planned parenthood. Not even unborn children can escape his wrath.
- John Gorman was banned from competitive bullriding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, when he rode the bull 1,346 miles from Texas to Milwaukee Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.
- John Gorman qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
- John Gorman likes his coffee half and half: half coffee grounds, half wood-grain alcohol.
- John Gorman uses tabasco sauce instead of visine.
- The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is DR-. These are also John Gorman's initials. This is not a coincidence.
- John Gorman's credit cards have no limit. Last weekend, he maxed them out.
- Think of a hot woman. John Gorman did her.
- A man once claimed John Gorman kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.
- John Gorman sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
- John Gorman owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
- John Gorman doesn't chew gum. John Gorman chews tin foil.
- Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that John Gorman is on.
- When in a bar, you can order a drink called a "John Gorman". It is also known as a "Bloody Mary", if your name happens to be Mary.
- Every time John Gorman smiles, someone dies. Unless he smiles while he’s roundhouse kicking someone in the face. Then two people die.
- Some people ask for a Kleenex when they sneeze, John Gorman asks for a body bag.
- There’s an order to the universe: space, time, John Gorman.... Just kidding, John Gorman is first.
- A man once asked John Gorman if his real name is "Charles". John Gorman did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
- John Gorman starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. He injects it directly into his neck with a syringe.
- In a tagteam match, John Gorman was teamed with Hulk Hogan against King Kong Bundy and Andre The Giant. He pinned all 3 at the same time.
- John Gorman doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.
- John Gorman is the only person who can simultaneously hold and fire FIVE Uzis: One in each hand, one in each foot -- and the 5th one he roundhouse-kicks into the air, so that it sprays bullets.
- For undercover police work, John Gorman pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
- In the X-Men movies, none of the X-Men super-powers are done with special effects. John Gorman is the stuntman for every character.
- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from John Gorman.
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